Identical Issues

There's one more question that baffles me from time to time and sends me spinning into what I like to call 'identity crises'. Now, this is not something like a premature mid-life crisis or belated teenage crisis... It is an issue that we all probably think about.

The ever so philosophical question 'Who Am I?' probably bears no real answer. Consider this - you've lived with yourself all your life; you've seen yourself act in all sorts of situations and social settings; you know how you behave, you know what you think about the world in general... yet how do you know this is REALLY you...?

Confused? Let me try and shed light on what I'm trying to say... Personal example: one's tastes in everything change over time. My taste in music, movies, hobbies - has all been changing so much over the years. You could just say I'm eclectic like that;) Or you might think why my tastes changed...

It has to do a lot with the people I'm with. I'm very easily attached to friends and also easily influenced. If someone I like as a person tells me to watch a certain movie cause it's great, then I do that and really believe the movie's good. If a month later, though, someone else I like tells me they hated that same movie, I might be likely to change my mind and say, 'well, I saw it, but it wasn't good... I was indifferent'. Why would I do that?? It's technically hypocricy, no? I really don't want to think of myself as a hypocrite, at least not in its negative connotation. But what other explanation would there be? See, that's why I call these 'crises' of my identity. I don't know how much of me is me and how much is shaped by others... how much of me is the 'ultimate image' of myself that I want others to see? It all sounds like a masquerade, and that drives me nuts, cause I think I lose track of what exactly I am ... ugh. I try to maintain at least 80% of my behaviour/style with aaaaall people I see, yet depending on who I'm with I might be different. Does anyone else feel that way?

See, I don't know how to resolve that internal issue. I guess I'll find out as the years roll by... eventually some essence of me should be totally certain, right? Not to say that I don't have any essence right now, but sometimes even I don't know exactly what that is... Sigh.

I think I'm just trying to make life more complicated than it is haha. Or maybe I should just go to bed and stop thinking already!! lol. Oh the mysteries of life :) It's all quite entertaining, though. Everything in life can be fun if you find the right point of view. That being said, of course there are times when one has to be serious, focus, and set things straight without hesitation.

We should all try to be happy, though. As it has been proven in one scientific study, the happiness of one individual across time and space can bring positive energy to 90 000 other people on the planet. Good to know, right? It's a good enough motivation to be happy and above all the crappy things in life. Also, the more negative your view of life, the more you attract more negativity your way. So I suppose, the more you ponder about your identity, the more confused you become about it? Sounds about right... Out for now.

Love, actually, is all around

Okay, okay, fine, I admit that yesterday's post turned out a bit more negative than I intended. Blame it on the news and political publications I was reading - they can never set you in a happy mood haha.

Well, today for a change, my friend and I decided to watch one of the most romantic and sweet movies ever made, Love Actually. I had almost forgotten how good I feel after watching that movie! It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside :) It makes my heart smile and it absolutely lifts my spirit.

The message of the movie - that love is all around, and it's practically the most powerful emotion out there - is so true. Forget about hate and all the negative things; just love :)

Love your life, love your friends, love what's happening around you, love chance and fate, love the momentary mishaps of life, love everything! If it works for you, love the fact that you don't have that many things to hate :) It's wonderful, any time you feel love in any shape or form. And remember that the world responds to the way you act in it... love the world and the world will love you back!

Haha, and now if you read the previous post you'd think I have a split personality, or bipolar disorder, or anything along those lines. No, not really, I just love the way that movie makes me feel and wish I could feel that aaaaall the time! :D

Oh, the Crazy World

I am generally a happy person. I am definitely happy right now. Usually when I'm happy, I don't really feel like ranting, yet right now I feel like I have to write something about the current state of the world.

If you ask me what I think of the world as a whole, whether I like it or not, I would honestly say - no, not really. This is not to say that I hate everything, but just like each of you, I can see that there are sooo many things wrong with the world, and somehow we as humans are not making progress... rather, we're exacerbating the situation.

Here are just a few things that I don't like about the world we live in:

1) Unresovled aggression - that's possibly the most ridiculous human trait. Okay, we may be the 'smartest' of all animals, but mind you, we are the most evil creatures on the planet. We are capable of unresolved aggression... We get angry 'just because'. Hate that! So what, I've had a bad day, so I'm gonna round up my mates and we're going to go beat the heck out of some innocent kid till I feel superior or something? Since when is violence a better source of 'happiness' than chocolate?! Why do people choose to be evil rather than trying to figure things out through kindness somehow?

In the animal kingdom, any fights between creatures happen for a reason- to establish one's ranks within a pack, to get a better chunck of the zebra's meat or something along those lines. With people, aggression sparks off at random moments for no particular reasons. It's shocking how many young people especially have become increasingly aggressive. In the UK, 16-17 year-old little murderers are constantly in the papers; teenager stabs another teenager to death. Why? What would make a child prone to such violence?? I cannot imagine even getting the idea of taking someone's life. Parents might say, with all the TV violence and computer game violence, kids are definitely going to become more aggressive. But that's not always the case; kids have the unique opportunity of observing acts of aggression live, at home or out on the street. It's so easy to spot adults arguing over something, or fist fights bursting out of the blue... TV of course helps shape kids into lean, mean fighting machines, but perhaps we should consider more how we act in the real world, setting an example for younger people, rather than blaming everything on virtual reality.

Besides, aggression is INcreasing! That should ring a bell right away that the entire human race is weaving away from 'civilized manners' and is going straight back to the 'dark ages' when violence was the way to go. It seems to me that people are changing, genetically. Little hateful genes are outnumbering the good genes. If there one thing we've learned throughout the ages, it is that it's much easier to achieve one's goals if you go down the violent path. Kill the competition, betray people, be sneaky and backstabbing, threaten others, blackmail and tease others - yeah, those are the paths to success these days... Sadly.

Our entire world has become centered around hatred. We're all trying to promote love, but we're actually realizing that hatred is easier and in some ways stronger. For example, you join PETA... why? Is it because you loooove animals that much and don't want to see them suffer, or is it because you hate fur-traders' guts and you feel a sick kind of satisfaction when you ruin their plans? I don't know, I'm only worried that hatred is definitely overwhelming... You can feel it. You can hear people complain all the time - it's easier to complain; it's always easy to find something you disagree with, to be negative about everything - but what about the other side; what about appreciating things, seeing the good side, being grateful for what there is, trying to change things that bother you?... See, you could say right now that I'm a hypocrite because technically... even through the name of this very blog, I'm complaining! True, I don't deny it. I AM complaining. But I guess through writing this rambling rant, I'm trying to change something. Perhaps I'll be the only person who reads that... quite possibly. Yet there is a slim chance that someone else will read this, agree, and perhaps take action; I don't feel like I'm in a position to take action... I doubt my actions will change much. Still, I'll try something; we all know that billions of little droplets make up the ocean :)

Back to the point:
Human aggression and violence are disturbingly high. Both on a local level (eg school shooting, gang violence) and on a global level (war, anyone?); on a physical (killing) and mental level ('crushing' someone through words for example); in almost every situation, hatred leaks out and poisons everything. Wow, that sounds emo... But I guess once you start thinking about it, you sort of see that it's true to a degree...

2) Since I mentioned war anyway, and since it's definitely time for a different point, I want to continue this long rant by stating that I am not fond of this economically-driven world. Most of the aforementioned violence and aggression, on an international level at least, would not be happening had it not been for economic interests around the globe. Each and every war has economic roots. 'Oh, we're on a mission to spread democracy to the Middle East.' Right, and OIL has nothing to do with it... Bless you, oh, benevolent democracy spreaders! All these conflicts, all the troubles around the world come from political and economic interests. Who gets involved, what are the stakes, what are the consequences for the global world order - such questions are considered when deciding the peace/war map of the world. Nobody really cares how people will feel - the people who get to live through the war, who are right there, amidst the flames and mortars... does anyone give them a choice? Are they even going to enjoy the spoils of that war? Hmmmm.. No. They're inferior, they can suffer, nobody will hear them anyway. The media will portray what We want them to (We=the puppet masters), the spin doctors will tell the tale We want to be told... *sinister laughter*.

Consider the latest crisis unfoiling in the Middle East. Once again, political and economic interests are involved; old hatreds are rekindled; the ones in power are baffled how to act, should they stop the violence or stay true to their underlying interests... It's crazy either way! So many innocent people are dying; children, of course, are dying. A bunch of people donated their facebook statuses to the death toll count in Gaza. Argh, it's just the same story over and over again!!! Violence in the Middle East never ends! It's always been a region torn by conflicts, whyyy? Because for some reason (not oil, nah), the US and western countries had to get involved over there and ruin the established order, promising people liberty and democracy, not realizing that the same formula CANNOT be applied to all cases! Talk about misjudging a situation! Why couldn't the western countries accept that things will be run differently in that region and that's that. Oh wait, yeah, the reason they couldn't stay out of it is cause of oil, among others. Find an alternate energy source already, dammit! No wait, if another source of energy is found, conflicts in the Mid East will cease, and we can't have that, can we? Why try to make the world a better place when it's all fine and dandy being as crazy as it is right now.... Also, avoid simple solutions at all costs; the more complex they are, the better.

I don't know, the more I write, the more confused I become... or the angrier I get... or I don't know what exactly, but it seems to me that nothing has to be that complicated and baffling... everything is so simple!!! In my head at least... :S

This post has become too long as it is... I don't know what to say now, except that it seems to me that we've all lost our way. Why are we even on this planet? To make money? To exploit those weaker than us? To feel good or what? Why do people keep thinking they are soooo great when in fact, we have been cursed in a way, with being the most self-contradicting creatures alive. We believe we believe in things so strongly, but we never really do. We think one way, we act another one. We realize when we go against our so-called principles; yet when that anti-principle urge striks, it's so strong that you find it hard to resist... and all of a sudden you forget your principles. We all change over time, we also change for the moment; I know that I myself act differently around different people, depending on whether they are close friends or not; in fact, I'm not even sure who I am. I have an idea of who I am, but I can never know for sure if that's really me. Wham, now we go off into philosophy; better not go down that slope.

I think I could conclude by saying that it is perfectly understandable that our world is far from perfect; I mean, when you think about it, it's often difficult to set things straight in your own head, let alone the entire planet! If individuals themselves are not 100% certain of who they are, what they value, and how everything goes, then there's no chance for groups of people to know exactly how to act and what to do, and then the entire world is thrown off balance.... If only we could just go by our instincts, like animals, life would be so much easier, right? We would be capable of unconditional love, of knowing exactly what we need to feel happy, of living for the moment, of coexisting with only the necessary amount of drama and conflict... and the planet would be a much cleaner and better place, really. Alas, it's not that simple, so let's go ahead and continue being the complex, superior beings we are...

We are waiting for the steps to move

Apparently that's what the pilot tells you at Heathrow terminal 5 when there is no driver available for the little step-truck thingy that attaches to the plane's entrance and allows all the passengers to disembark (that is one word I was really confused about till recently).

Today I felt like updating 'em blogs for the sake of principle, mainly.

Happiness. That's what I feel at the moment. A small, warm, fuzzy feeling inside me (no, I did not eat a hamster or something). It makes me full of energy and love <3 You know, love for all my friends and people who love me back :) It's a win-win situation! Happiness can come from anywhere, and there is nothing better than finding happiness all around you, even when you're not technically looking for it.

Appreciation. One has to appreciate the precious gift that is life - with all its up's and down's and swirls and loops... It's life and you've got it! And you should be thankful about anything that happens to you! Appreciate others, appreciate yourself.

Simplicity. Life is simple, like a game. The goal is to, erm, reach the end and score the most points. I don't know, interpret that as you find appropriate. I think people tend to overcomplicate life just cause it's 'the greatest mystery'.. 'why are we here?' ... 'what is our divine purpose - and why are we so much different from any other living creature on earth?' I don't know.

Honestly I don't know where this post is even headed. I might be writing a stream-of-consciousness piece (unconsciously!). Whatever it is I'm doing, I believe my ultimate goal is to say that I'm really grateful about everything that happens to me. Seriously, I wouldn't change my life if someone offered me that option. Sure, it has its bad sides, but come on, why focus on them? Just go with the cool side, the bright side (ask Monty Python for details).

Life is not that complicated. Go with it! Not with the flow, of course, for that would mean you're a sheep floating in a river. Go with what life gives you is more of a statement I would make.

Be awesome!

And you'll see the steps will move and you'll get off the plane alright.

The Quiet Streets of Richmond

Picture London, one of the greatest cities in the world! Multicultural population, thousands of people living together, with so many tourists around all the time it's hard to ever be alone, you might think.... Some areas in this busy city are quite the opposite: quiet, deserted, suspended in time.

I was thinking about that tonight as I was walking up Richmond Hill. It was barely 8:30 p.m. yet for a 20-minute walk, I saw 6 people... SIX. And they were all in the more popular part of the borough. It feels so strange to walk in the darkness (London is way up north so it gets dark early) and hear no sound except for the occassional wind whistling and see no one around me... For a moment, I really thought time had stopped and I was the only person out there.

I was the sole soul roaming these streets. There was a black cat, too. All the little English houses were dark, though a few had their lights on, but no one in the living room. Only two homes were inhabited at that time, one of an artist who also kept fitness equipment in his living room, and the other of a person watching TV. Where did everyone go? In all those movies where a nuclear weapon wipes out all people but miraculously leaves the houses intact, the main character would walk down deserted streets, pretty much like I did tonight.

I could even hum my own song... Heck, I could shout at the top of my voice and no one would care because no one would hear because no one was there! Solitude can be depressing.

Only I was not depressed - far from it, I was imagining I was the main character in such a movie and was trying to solve the mystery of all the disappearing people... :)

Once again I need to say, maybe out of the blue, that people should be happy with what they get. They should cherish the moments of happiness and not focus on everything negative in their lives. That is where most problems with people come from - from their inability to APPRECIATE things. I could have wined about how boring those streets were and how I was oh so alone and miserable... HA. Some other time, baby.

Like artists who make sculptures out of junk they have at hand, or cooks who just look in the fridge and make do with whatever's in there only to create a Jamie-Oliver-class meal... in such a manner, people should take advantage of what they have and be glad they have it!

So stop complaining NOW and be grateful for even being here!

Miscommunication

It's unbelievable how one tiny detail changes the Big Picture.
A different sound, a different letter... changes the meaning.
A different word - oh lord - can have dire consequences.

Miscommunication.

As a communications major, I believe I understand the tremendous importance of effective communication, seen as anything we do probably needs to go through other 'brinks' in this chain, and all the elements need to be on the same page.

(Gosh my grandpa's here blasting the radio in the room next door cause he can't hear too well = me frustrated for no particular reason... it always happens when I'm trying to focus on something... somebody walks in and the Great Distraction begins... end of ranty aside)

The same page.
The same paragraph.
The same line.
The same word.
The same letter.

See, it can always be broken down to the smallest particles, like protons and electrons and various laws of attraction. Attraction is the force that keeps us together.

Pull yourself together!

Not an easy task. You need another body to 'pull yourself together' because your own gravitational field is not strong enough to pull your particles together, at least mentally.

Mental health is as important as physical health, and strongly linked to it too.

My mom and dad and I had an argument a couple of nights back. Why? My dad and I are freaks, we have the type of sense of humor that makes a joke out of pretty much anything. We were fully employing that sense of humor on mom. Until she felt genuinely hurt... She wasn't talking to us for a while. She was angry. Why?

MIS communication... understanding... take... use... any of these really....

and this is where i draw the line

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The fruit and the tree...

I don't like kids, and we all know that too well. I especially despise kids who are misbehaved, annoying, spoilt, mean, weird, and ugly...

Well, I know one kid like that. He's a boy, 12.5 years old. Annoying as can be! Actually, let me rephrase that, he's almost as annoying as his disgusting father. Seriously. I'm not exagerrating and I'm not ashamed to use negative words to describe that family from hell... :) (Keep in mind that I'm a lovable creature in general).

So that kid, who you would imagine killing kittens, breaking windows, defacing public property, and bullying others in his spare time, decided to keep me company yesterday for about an hour. See, I am a kind creature or else I would have never let the brat sit next to me... And there I was, with my guard put up high, and with all the aforementioned activities coming up in my mind.. talking to the kid.

He saw me draw again. And he said nice things about my drawings... And I thought, wow... What's gotten into the brat?! He can actually be GOOD? (*just as a side note, that child is really one you'd be amazed to see do anything positive).

Then he decided to join me - he asked for a piece of paper, took some crayons and asked if he could watch me draw and learn from what he called 'the master.' So I thought, okay, no problem, let's do this.

As we were drawing, he said that his dream was ... to become... an ARTIST... !! (my jaw dropped imaginarily)... And then... even more jaw-droppingly, he said that he also wants to help endangered animals when he grows up.. WHAT??? My world was shattered... Is this the same kid? Mm-m-maybe some alien has taken over his body and is saying those things... Seriously...

I was amazed and mildly pleased. I also felt like a fool.

It just made me think about the old saying that "the fruit never falls far from the tree." The "tree" in this case - his father - is a scary, mean monster who bosses everyone around, shouts at his family, doesn't show any affection towards his son (or daughter), and is, so to say, almost as nice to have around as a bullet to your brain. No joke. He abuses that child, by the way.. he's just too aggressive and violent- sometimes he scares my parents and the other adults with his behaviour... yet no one is brave enough to oppose him. Evindetly, a kid which has been treated like crap all his life would likely become a psycho or a serial killer.. NOT an animal rescuer...?! Hmm... Well, hopefully the little boy will grow beyond his father's tyranny and will live a happy life somewhere in Africa alongside sleek cheetahs (his favorite animals)....